My Confession: I Am Not Enough

I’ve got a confession to make.

Have you ever had something you’ve tried to defeat your whole life? Maybe a sense of belonging, or of failure, or of fear… Well, I’ve got a thorn in my side that I’ve battled for many years. Something the world has told me is a lie, I just need to believe strongly enough to overcome it. But just believing hasn’t helped. So it’s time I bring my “demon” into the light.

I am not enough.

It took saying that out loud to a room full of women to really understand the baggage I was carrying. I had been able to hide it from those ladies — many of whom I loved dearly and had walked through seasons of life with. Keeping this secret to myself had been pretty easy. But it was wearing me out, and I needed to stop fighting a battle I couldn’t win. Because it’s the truth — and there’s no more hiding it.

Even on my best days, I’m still a hot mess.

When I’m most put together on the outside, I’m still miserably imperfect on the inside. When I’ve worked so hard to get it right, I still get it wrong. At my peak performance, it’s still just…not…enough. It might come out in a missed deadline. Or being impatient with my husband. Or maybe I’ll lose my mind at my kid. I might even avoid my friends, because I just don’t have the energy to fake it today.

Oh, but the world says I’m enough. That I can do this; I’ve got what it takes. I just have to dig deep enough, develop the right mindset, maybe switch careers, or have the ideal family, or the perfect body… Whatever needs to fill that gap, I can find it. I can make it happen.

If that’s the case, why doesn’t it work? Why is the world full of “enlightened” people who are still so miserable? Why is social media so full of people who want to empower others to be the best versions of themselves, but once you take the photo filters off they really aren’t any better?

Because it’s all a lie.

The human will is strong, but not omnipotent.

Let’s face it, even the people we idolize are faulty. Humans are broken and messy — we all make mistakes. And the world is crafty at handing us feel-good messages that motivate us…for a while. But I’m tired of the fluff.

Here’s the thing: admitting I’m not enough isn’t condemning. It is freeing. Because it’s okay, I don’t have meet some ever-shifting standard of “enoughness.” Why? Because Jesus truly is enough. That’s the funny thing about identity, when I learned my identity was fixed in something true and powerful, I didn’t need the world’s version to fill that hole anymore.

See, Jesus made me with a purpose. I’m already fulfilled in Him; nothing is lacking or missing. I don’t have to be perfect — as though I ever could be — because He already is. I don’t have to have it “all figured out,” He already does.┬áThis isn’t about trading what the world says for “second best.” In fact, it’s trading an illusion, pressure and overwhelm for truth. And I can just trust Him.

You know what else comes with trusting Him? Rest.

So why don’t we make this trade together? How about we put down some useless baggage. It doesn’t serve us, there’s no reason to carry it.

Dream a little with me: what would you do without the extra weight of perfectionism and worldly overwhelm? How would your life look? Comment below!